I have come to learn as my age grows older
that the weight of happiness
is indeed measured with a portion of grief
one can never come without the other
without the emptying of ourselves
rivers rising
overflowing
I am unsure how to explain all of this
that we need the deep darkness
to understand what light is
“out of darkness
we shall see the light”
there is the familiar exploding
I feel within my chest
a heart made of glass
shattering
it’s like the moon is pulling at me
with its invisible tides
crashing
crashing
crashing
waves against my rib cage
and my rib cage
and the tides
and the waves
how many times have I written about them
how many times have I found
only the words of a storm
to image
this thing that is within me
that overtakes me
the folly of the world
and yet the beauty of it all
how disgusting and bitter and harrowing
are the earth’s corridors
and yet how magnificent and hopeful
how can these things
co-exist
I can’t fathom
still these tides
they pull within me
both joy
and destruction
both hope
and despair
the world feels like this broken cathedral
and at times my body feels the same
facades barely standing
it’s face caved inward
hollowed insides
inhabited by fluttering of wings
imposters
nesting and shitting on the remnants
that once gathered people
from everywhere
walking through this place
curious
believing unbelievers
a song once rose from there
this place that is now silent
but for the winged creatures
that perhaps sing a song that existed long before
our mouths gaped in wonder
“there is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in”